I took my younger son to the dentist yesterday to have his teeth cleaned. We mosied into the office and he greeted the hygentist and danced his way back to the exam room with her. I said to the receptionist, "I am going to sit out here and not transfer my anxiety to my kid." She replied, "good idea, find something to read."
It occured to me as I set the I-Pod to non-stress music, that this was a significant moment. Aaron is 5 now. Yep 5. He's never had his teeth cleaned. I guess this should qualify me for the bad mom award. For a few years, we had no dental insurance and no money. Before that he was too young. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Really though? I had bad dentist experiences as a child. Most of my baby teeth had to be pulled. My childhood dentist trips were full of needles and pain. I don't recall my mother ever being there with me either. She'd drop me off and I would cope with it. By myself. (I wonder if she had bad dental experiences herself?)
As I sat there and continued to think about it, I was suddenly struck by how much our child experiences affect our parenting. In my case, I was so traumatized by my mother's early death (when I was 15), that I had a hysterectomy to prevent me from getting the type of cancer that she had.
This morning, on our short walk to school, Aaron coughed a few times. He coughed a few times? Yep. I was immediately drawn back to the times when I was outside as a child and couldn't breathe. I had cold-induced asthma as a child. The medications weren't as good as they are today. I suffered with it. Aaron has asthma. Mentally, as I heard him cough, I was directing myself to go buy him a scarf and make sure he had an inhaler at school. I don't want him to go through what I did. I instructed him to tell an adult if his lungs got tight and told his teacher about it when we got to school.
I guess it is good that our personal experiences affect the way we parent. I am more aware of what it is like to go through these things. I am now at the point where I have to draw a thin line here. At what point do your experiences have a negative effect on your children? How do I swallow my anxiety and let him be a kid? How do I balance the helpfulness of my experience with the need to protect him? It's a good wake-up call for me. I don't want to be a "helicopter parent". I want my kids to be kids. To have fun. To have access to medical care. (thank you to the Canadian government and our awesome health insurance)
We all want to be good parents. I am grateful that I have the resources and the peace of mind to try and be one. He did fine at the dentist yesterday. He picked out his toy and skipped back out of the office, telling me jokes and asking for the Cars soundtrack in the car. Have a happy life buddy, at least if I can help it.
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5 comments:
Well, I am always anxious about my kids trips to the dentist, even though I never had any awful experiences myself. My DD is getting orthodontic work done so we're going to be there a lot this year.
I am still anxious about my own trips to the dentist. For the first 3 years of my marriage, my husband had to actually hold my hand while I was at the dentist. And, horrible am I, I didn't go for a long while before I got married.
I was slapped across the face by a dentist as a child. For crying, or something. Traumatized.
I love your heartfelt honesty Christy!! Yep I agree, our childhood experiences certainly do direct our parenting! HOpefully for the best! Glad the dentist visit was uneventful! :)
I resent you Canadians and your portable, universal health care. A pox on ALL of you.
Ah, Mr Zero Boss- it's a good thing that I am familiar with your sense of humor or that comment would tick me off! Why do you think we moved to Canada?
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